blown away

guess what, people? i have seen "the end of time part two," and it is good. and that's about all i'm gonna say about it here. you can watch it tonight on bbc america and decide for yourself. i have a million thoughts about the final appearance of david tennant's doctor, however. although it was not as soul-rippingly sad as "journey's end," it was still a satisfying yarn and an emotional roller-coaster indeed.

i laughed, i cried, i went "what the FUCK??!" so, despite lack of making me quiver on the floor in pain, i say well done, RTD. (and that's taking into account the inevitable OTT moments and did-you-HAVE-to? bits that are an essential part of the russell t. davies canon.) i alternately moaned and clutched the throw pillow and bounced up and down cheering, and that is an acceptable mind-fuck, so yay.

and i must say, the regeneration was pyrotechnic indeed. yummy! in his first scene as the doctor, matt smith appeared a lot more confident than he did when running through it in the "EoTpt2"-related episode of doctor who confidential. (which was titled "alons-y!" hee.) and now we get our first trailer dialed to 11. check it; this is also the first time hipspinter has posted a video clip. (or see it on youtube.) it's a brand-new world indeed.



one last thing: do not stay tuned for demons following "EoT." it sucks. i found it ridiculous when i watched the pilot almost a year ago, but thought i'd stick with it. only one episode later, i realized it was rubbish. a waste of philip glenister and your precious time.

run

HELLO, FRIENDS. GUESS WHAT'S GOT ME BACK IN THE MOOD TO POST? THAT'S RIGHT: THE LATEST DOCTOR WHO SPECIAL, "THE WATERS OF MARS," AIRING TONIGHT ON BBC AMERICA. FOLLOWING IS AN IN-DEPTH DISCUSSION OF SAID EPISODE, COMPLETE WITH SPOILERS. SO DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

"it's the end. but the moment has been prepared for."

the final words of the fourth doctor do apply to "the waters of mars," the latest new doctor who special ... and the proverbial beginning of the end for incarnation number ten, played by the smashingly manic and wonderfully emotional david tennant. a mix of classic sci-fi thriller and dark morality play, the episode has already aired in the UK, and bbc america will screen it for stateside whovians tonight at 9 pm.

four's last words work as commentary on tennant's departure just as well as they served tom baker (still the longest-serving doctor and, until tennant, the most popular) in his day ... for surely no moment in british tv history was ever quite so prepared for as the tenth doctor's last story, "the end of time." (like i would know, ahaha.) "the waters of mars" brought a deluge of "the-end-of-time"-is-near coverage: magazine features and covers, radio and tv interviews, news stories, and special tie-in episodes of programs like the panel show never mind the buzzcocks. the UK has so many who-related broadcasts that the doctor who news page made up a handy chart for fans to keep track of it all. pubs in the UK will throw special parties to celebrate the final two-parter, airing on christmas day and new year's day over there, and dec. 26 and jan. 2 here. even time out magazine got into the act with a special edition featuring 10 different doctor who covers, one for each incarnation.



so, yeah. the moment has been prepared for. however, something in "the waters of mars" is a more direct throwback to the demise of doctor number four, which happened in the serial titled "logopolis," way back in 1981. but let's not get ahead of ourselves here.

in "the waters of mars" (working title: "red christmas"), the TARDIS materializes on the red planet, looking ever so fetching alone against the brick-colored landscape. out leaps the doctor, wearing the spacesuit he got in "the impossible planet" over his burgundy-pinstriped blue suit. (which we will never see again, sob! it's my favorite.) he's still traveling without a companion, which is just a bad idea. and he knows that, so it's actually a crazy bad idea.



he finds a base station and some scientists, led by the tough adelaide brooke (lindsay duncan), and quickly figures out he's in the middle of a soon-to-be-tragic historic event from the year 2059 -- background on which we see through the curious, somewhat clunky device of flash-asides to what look like 2009-era web pages with info about the scientist-pioneers. (a big problem of having no companion: no one to expositate to.) it's the flip side of the doctor's triumphant shout of "everybody lives!" from "the doctor dances." that is, this time, everybody dies.

the doctor knows the story and its characters well: in 2059, the inhabitants of earth's mars colony bowie base one (lol!) all died in a massive explosion. and he really should go. because this is one of those pesky "fixed points in time" that he's not allowed to change, due to the laws of time.

shades of "the fires of pompeii," no? but this time the doctor doesn't have the amazing donna noble around, not to persuade him to just save someone, but to stop him from going too far, as companions tend to do. and guess what happens? he goes too far. first, however, we get a lot of the usual clever banter and running about, along with some goofy robot shenanigans and a more external horror story involving contaminated water that begins to turn the bowie crew into super-creepy-looking zombies, one by one.



eeeyieeee! scary, huh?

the doctor can't resist this mystery. continuing to protest that he really should go, he stays right where he is and investigates the problem, even making a vague passing mention of the ice warriors (a reference to the classic series, be still my beating hearts). and as his time spent in this non-changeable event grows longer, he finds it harder to quietly accept the inevitable. fighting back is the doctor's raison d'etre. but today it will be his undoing.



lindsay duncan as adelaide is wonderful to behold, all tough and businesslike but with hints of love and compassion. adelaide embraces risk without a second thought, and the doctor admires that. but he's so impressed with her, and so upset about what's supposed to happen to her, that he breaks one of the rules -- the one about no spoilers for people's futures. he means to comfort her, but adelaide can't be expected to see things the way he does. as much as the doctor goes on about how his perceptions of time and the universe are painfully unique, he often fails to remember that in practice. instead of helping her, his relevation puts her through an even worse ordeal.

once the doctor breaks one time lord rule, the rest start to seem pretty damn stupid, especially because they're keeping him from getting what he wants, which is to save these people. damn the consequences -- he's the only time lord left! so the rules of time are his to command! he can do anything he wants. and no one can stop him. mwahahahahaaaaa!!!

i don't think i've ever wished harder for donna to pop in and smack him on the head.



but, nope. no one's there to stop our budding doc vader. as the perhaps-not-last of the time lords finally went off the rails completely, claiming his legacy with a power-mad arrogance (which is probably just the sort of thing that caused time lords to make up their dumb rules in the first place), i couldn't help wondering just when he really started losing it. i mean, things like this don't happen overnight, right?

arguably he's been kinda unhinged since the time war, but i prefer to imagine he snapped after returning donna to her human self, saving her life but going against her wishes, and dooming her to be ordinary forever ... not to mention lost to him forever as well. maybe the doctor's mind began to turn during that scene in "journey's end," where, his awful duty dispatched, he's standing in the pouring rain, heading back to the TARDIS all alone, having lost his beffie, someone he probably actually could have traveled with for the rest of her life. i like this idea because donna's granddad, wilfred mott, is there when it happens, looking at the doctor in that kindly knowing way of his and telling him he will think of the doctor on donna's behalf. and we know from the trailer at the end of "the waters of mars" that ten will seek out wilf again.



he will definitely need a friend. because when the dire resolution of his mars misadventure unfolds, it is dark indeed, akin to torchwood: children of earth dark. what adelaide does to stop him is so shocking and yet so clever -- exactly the sort of thinking he might applaud under different circumstances. in her own way, she does serve the companion's purpose of putting a lid on his excesses and keeping him grounded, although it's too late this time and she pays a terrible price to shake him out of his mania.



when it's all over, the doctor's actions leave history, the mars colonists, and us viewers totally messed up. and the doctor doesn't look so good himself. he knows he did wrong, but he doesn't want to face the music.

not just the music, mind you, but the song. ood song, that is. as the full weight of what he's done sinks in, the doctor leans against the TARDIS ... and hears the beautifully mournful psychic song of the tentacle-faced race known as the ood. then he sees him -- ood sigma, standing expectantly in the snow.

the doctor looks remorseful ... and afraid. "i've gone too far," he whispers. "is this it? my death? is it time?" he asks with distress.

why does the doctor think ood sigma is a harbinger of his death? well, he's seen this sort of thing before. in "logopolis," he kept encountering this white figure, hanging around at a distance from the action. the figure, called the watcher, was a signal to four that his time was up. (and was also apparently some future incarnation of himself ... wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey!) he didn't make a fuss about it then; in fact, seeing the watcher was a sort of comfort. so far, ood sigma doesn't seem to be a future incarnation of the doctor, but, hey, anything could happen.



but the doctor sure isn't comforted by sigma's appearance. in the last special, "planet of the dead," tennant's performance felt, by no means terrible, but definitely off his game, as though he just didn't have the energy to give it his all. here, he is fantastic -- not just in the broad physical shtick he does so well, but especially in the subtler moments. he does some of his best acting inside that damn spacesuit, for one thing. and also in this scene, where a dozen different emotions pass across the doctor's face as he slips into the TARDIS, still looking shaken to his core. the cloister bell -- that eternal harbinger of bad bad stuff for time lords -- chimes. and then the doctor turns defiant. "no," he says. and, slamming a lever on the console, he dematerializes the hell out of there. straight to, no doubt, the end of time. will he stop with the "i am the great and powerful time lord" jazz now? is he running away from his death because he wants to fix things or because that's what he does?

we'll know the answer in less than a week. i can't wait, but i'm also scared. the doctor's dark side has always been there, and it can be magnificent to behold in the right circumstances, but i don't want him to keep being frighteningly megalomaniacal till he dies. i hope he snaps back to some semblance of his usual self while dealing with all the delicious spoilery stuff yet to come. because you know that, when we see him again after regeneration, he will be very different ... and not just because he'll be wearing matt smith's face.

anyway. it seems i was right that RTD will be torturing the doctor to death for three episodes. SIGH. i never thought i'd say it, but all of this pain and drama and torment kind of makes me ready for a new doctor. (hmm. perhaps that is the plan.) i'm starting to miss the days when he just bopped out of the TARDIS with his companion and rushed off to embrace some new adventure. i mean, i am loving the angst and can't wait to see just how dark things are gonna get, but i really want the tenth doctor to have the proper wonderful sendoff he deserves. almost every single incarnation has died a heroic death, and if ten doesn't get one, i'm going to be well pissed off.



furthermore, if RTD doesn't give ten a heroic death and rip me into little pieces and throw me to the floor and make me cry just thinking about the ending -- as with donna and "journey's end," which to this day i have to shut off before it plays out or risk blubbering like a baby -- well, then he will have FAILED. so, russell. it is on. and you'd better bring it!

back to black

this is rhys. he doesn't get to have a spiffy torchwood-logo'd action-y wallpaper image like the core torchwood team -- more's the pity, since he's totally worthy of one. rhys is the glue that holds gwen together ... and, while jack has been messing up badly at playing defender-of-earth, gwen's been doing a lot of the heavy lifting, with rhys there to carry her bag and come up with brilliant theories every step of the way.

this review is shorter and not as originally written, b/c my macbook's hard drive crashed yesterday, taking with it my work on "day five." thankfully, i have an awesome brother-in-law who sorted me out on trouble-shooting and buying advice (new HD on the way). and also a spare laptop, my trusty old ibook g4. so now come the KAPS:

SO TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH "DAY FIVE" AIRED LAST NIGHT ON BBC AMERICA, BUT I'LL STILL SAY SPOILERS AHEAD! BEWAAAAAAAAAAAARE.

we got some answers at last in this episode, which is rich in deep, dark irony. but one burning mystery remains: what will become of the TW SUV?

anyway. rhys didn't have much to do here, except sit on a park bench with a laptop, waiting for gwen's signal to transmit evidence to the world's media. and help gwen try to hide the kids rhiannon and johnny had taken in. btw, the aliens want the kids for the "hit." they're mainlining earth children. and it seems to be a growth market (or a serious addiction). it's kind of horrifying and kind of darkly funny -- very russell davies.

and so today the children must be collected -- all of them, say the 456. the afternoon quickly degenerates into scary scenes of the-monster-is-us: soldiers descending on the kids, citizens fighting back, everyone screaming, and gwen running running running ...



... but jack saves the day by reversing the polarity on the 456 -- which requires a child, steven, who will of course have to die. jack saves the world but kills his grandson, alienating his daughter for, probably, ever. his fellow middleman, frobisher, also pays in blood, after finally drawing the line when the PM taps him to be the government's symbolic dupe and publicly send his daughters for "inoculation." instead, froby goes home and shoots his family and himself, mere moments before jack fixes everything.

bridget takes the torchwood contact lenses and records the whole child-snatching operation, ruining the PM's career and leaving denise effectively in charge. boo-yah!



so where's RTD gonna go after all this horror and trauma? after burning down the whole bloody thing? ianto dead, and more of a mystery than ever? (it seems like a waste that ianto could have blossomed as a character and now won't get the chance; but i guess that's life.) torchwood disintegrated? jack mercilessly frying his own grandson, tears streaming down his cheeks while his daughter screams her son's name from outside?

well, where else but six months later, as rhys and a very pregnant gwen meet jack at night on a hilltop. she gives him his time agent wrist gizmo, and he says the whole planet is like a graveyard to him. she cries and says it wasn't your fault, but jack says ianto, steven, owen, tosh ... everybody was his fault. he began to like it, and look what he became. the monster was us ... but it was also jack.

well, like i said. he wasn't all that fantastic a person (charming or not) even before he became immortal. but i guess he tried. so maybe he'll live long enough to learn how to do better. but for now he's too tormented to stick around. so, time to go off to the intergalactic monastery and become the face of boe, or something. yep, he's running away -- again. gwen weeps ... for jack, for her lost purpose, for everything they've all lost. and rhys -- who is still there, like always -- says let's go home. gwen takes his comforting arm.

"yeah."

TW: CoE comes out on video this tuesday.

ask

WELL, THEN. HERE WE ARE AT "DAY FOUR" OF TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH. IT AIRS TONIGHT (THURSDAY) ON BBC AMERICA, AND THE FOLLOWING REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS. SO STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. AND THIS TIME ... SOMETHING REALLY REALLY BIG HAPPENS. AND I'M GONNA TALK ABOUT IT NEXT PARAGRAPH, SO YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

what becomes a casualty of captain jack harkness's hubris most? is it his fretful moue, his sadly unrequited love, or his own unerring grasp of the inevitable? maybe it's his way with a coffeemaker or his flair for finding just the right tie. ianto jones had all those things ... not to mention his share of secrets. yet it's not his secrets that get him killed in this episode, but his implacable faith in his boss/lover, who is fatally incapable of keeping his damn ego on a leash.

so yesterday we found out how jack's tied to the 1965 thing, and today the whole world finds out about that previous 456 visit. and torchwood: children of earth begins its inexorable slide off the rails. but at least now we understand better why jack was so blase about handing that little girl to the evil fairy creatures in "small worlds" -- he'd already done that sort of thing before.



in 1965, the 456 said a new strain of flu would kill multi-millions, then offered an antivirus in exchange for the "gift" of a dozen kids. jack may have been the decision-maker with the evil fairies -- giving them the girl so they wouldn't destroy the whole planet -- but he was just a middleman in 1965, like frobisher now. as jack's contact on that night explains, he got the job b/c he's the guy who doesn't care. in fact, he even says it's a pretty good deal.

gwen can't believe jack didn't see it was a protection racket. (well, darling, your fearless leader is many things, including not too bloody bright.) at once disappointed and self-righteous, ianto asks jack how come he never told him about this. "i tell you everything," ianto says. (hmm, really?) jack gets defensive and asks what he should have done, and ianto says that the jack he knew would have fought back.

yeah, well, be careful what you wish for, grasshopper.



meanwhile, after frobisher asks what the 456 will do with the children, the alien shows them ... via a terrified cameraman sent into the tank. amid the toxic muck and alien limbs, we see one of the children from 1965. wearing a sort of ventilator over its nose and mouth, he's kinda ... plugged into the multiheaded creature. still a child, in the same clothes even, and seemingly ... aware. everyone -- torchwood, frobisher, the PM and visitors -- recoils in horror.

hey, we don't hurt the kids, say the 456 (who look disturbingly like a cross between something out of doctor seuss and the aliens from alien), and they live a long time! frobisher loses it, and the creature flips out and plays a recording of froby asking to keep 1965 on the downlow. the cameraman gets out. and so does great britain's big secret. then the 456 give them one day to deliver the kids ... or else they'll annihilate the world.



the PM and his cabinet discuss what to do. exceptional weasel rick yates, played by voice of the daleks nicholas briggs, actually says they could maybe play on current fears about overpopulation and spin this as a good thing. nice! but the banality of evil is in full effect in these briefings (secretly recorded by lois's camera eyes), where they refer to children as "units." nothing like a little dehumanization to sanitize a dirty process.

all options exhausted, the PM tells his more squeamish underlings to save the hand-wringing for later: they've got 10 percent of their own children to sacrifice. well, not their children, of course -- the kids and grandkids of everyone at the table will be spared. but how do they pick the victims ... uh, units? denise riley (deborah finlay) has the genius idea to use the school leadleague (EDIT: misheard that and misunderstood it too!) tables to identify the bottom 10 percent. hey, they'll just be a burden on society anyway. it's practically a win-win!

time for gwen to make stuff happen again. she sends rhys and a laptop full of video to an undisclosed location, ready to transmit everything to the media. she also shows the info to johnson and turns her to their side. via lois, she confronts the PM and makes him let jack and ianto into thames house. gwen can't save clem, though: the alien has had a vestigial connection to him all along, and kills him by remote. poor clem.



jack cowboys into thames house with ianto. he's going to confront the 456 and show ianto how he'll fight back. and then he kills ianto. he doesn't actually murder the lad, but when jack rashly threatens the 456 with war if they try to take earth's children, the alien responds by locking down thames house and releasing a deadly virus, killing all the panicked cockroaches of government trapped inside (except for dekker, who somehow makes it into a decon suit without breathing the air).

why didn't jack just do something more useful, like examine clem to find out how the 456 control the children? that's what the doctor would have done.

so maybe there's supposed to be something tragically romantic about ianto marching bright-eyed to his death by his lover's side. but mostly it's infuriatingly pointless. also, i knew it was coming, and not 'cause i was spoiled, b/c i wasn't. it was just ... obvious. so many references to TW agents dying young = someone's gonna get it. and RTD is the joss whedon of brit tv: if a couple is happy, one of them must die (or get trapped in an alternate universe or fly back to their own time or whatever).



after his starry-eyed convo with his sister about jack, i knew for sure we were going to lose our lovely ianto, he of the dry wit, sharp outfits, strong coffee, insane detail-mongering, and wickedly clever schemes. i mean, it's no doubt impossible for anyone to resist those 51st-century pheromones and that flashy immortality, but, although one of the things i've loved about torchwood is its delight in unapologetic boy love, it's clear that ianto did struggle with his feelings for jack. he seemed to have strictly liked girls up to that point and even had a fiancee when we first met him ... a fiancee who was turning into a cyberman and nearly destroyed everyone, but poor ianto still loved her.

so maybe ianto also had a fatal need to be needed. in any case, jack's willing playmate crumples to the floor while the captain cries that it's all his fault. ianto weeps and says, "i love you." jack moans, "don't." then he begs ianto to stay with him. (mixed messages to the mofugging end!) "don't forget me," pleads ianto. jack says he never could -- not even in 1,000 years' time. he promises! ianto dies, and jack begs, "don't leave me, please."



this is the part of loving humans that the doctor can't deal with: watching them die. but jack always plunges right in -- we know he had at least two serious relationships in the 20th century, and probably more -- the pain be damned. it is hard not to think that, on some level, the allegation that he doesn't care is true. people are shiny good fun, and adoration is fantastic, but ultimately they're just so much tissue paper to jack.

anyway. the 456 win. jack sobs and kisses ianto one last time. then he slumps dead beside his dead lover, his hand on ianto's shoulder.

the cabinet watch it all in horror. denise says they have to surrender. 35 million children, says the PM. or 6.7 billion people, counters denise. (the needs of the many, yada yada ... .) the PM tells red-eyed frobisher to put the plan into action.

in a makeshift morgue, gwen walks forward, alone, to ID the bodies. she uncovers jack and looks at him, the tiniest smile playing around her lips. then she steels herself and pulls back ianto's shroud. jack wakes up and remembers. gwen cries and tenderly straightens ianto's tie. (sob!) jack hugs her as she whispers words of sorrow and defeat.

"there's nothing we can do."

stuck in the middle with you

GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO MY REVIEW OF TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH "DAY THREE." BBC AMERICA WILL BE SHOWING IT TOMORROW NIGHT (WEDNESDAY) AT 9ET/PT. SPOILERS FOLLOW, SO DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

yesterday, torchwood regrouped as the world prepared for the 456's arrival. today, tension mounts around the globe and inside the british government, as the secret of 1965 threatens to blow up big. meanwhile, jack and co. get back to work with a renewed sense of camaraderie. but this is torchwood, so you know that's not gonna last.

gwen, jack, ianto, and rhys set up the hub2, as rhys christens their new HQ in an abandoned warehouse. it's dank and has no electricity, and jack has to wear tracksuit bottoms and no coat. he still manages to be all inspirational leader-y ... then accidentally reveals he knew gwen was pregnant before rhys did. the man-fur flies, and rhys flounces out.

but this is no time to pout. torchwood's assets are down to a couple of guns, a now-dead laptop, some contact lenses, and not much else. the software's still on the server ... if only they had some computer equipment. and power. and proper trousers.



ever-resourceful gwen suggests a crime spree: cue slightly slapstick montage of the quartet staging fights and posing as waiters to score credit cards, laptops, even a car. (fancy wheels are essential.) ianto brings back other necessities: coffee, new clothes, and ... perhaps most implausibly of all ... for jack, a new coat, just like the old one. jack is back!

and he really ought to call alice, whose nervous attempts to contact him finally attract johnson's peeps. they soon work out who she is. her mom was a torchwood agent too, who died of old age. ("rare for torchwood," observes johnson. word.) that means alice gets to be all kickass when johnson's minions come around. she tells steven to do like they used to in granny's games. granny torchwood, that is. they flee ... and alice BELTS one dude with a cutting board, then takes his gun. go, alice! but johnson, though impressed, has them surrounded. then steven freezes, pointing to the sky.

it's the same around the world, kids all frozen and pointing. steven. frobisher's daughters. and all the children at rhiannon and johnny's impromptu day-care center, set up because parents gotta work, the schools are closed, and johnny needs the extra cash.

also pointing, of course, is clem -- who's just been sprung from the camden clink by gwen (with a little help from pc andy), who continues to be the get-it-done star of this show.



she not only retrieves the tearfully grateful clem, who's been having increasingly intense 1965 flashbacks, but also talks lois into wearing the contact lenses ... the special torchwood contacts with camera lenses, lipreading software so monitors can "hear" what's happening, and texting capability for communicating with the wearer.

lois is impressed, but scared to help torchwood again. it's treason! she can't do this -- it puts her right on the front line. anyway, frobisher doesn't take her into the 456 room. only bridget. gwen says please help us, lois habiba. you're our only remaining hope. lois can't. sorry. but she takes the lenses.

earlier, at the hub2, ianto wants to know if jack will ever stop not-dying. jack's pretty sure the can't-die thing is forever. so someday jack will see ianto die, "of old age," and just keep going? yeah, says jack. well, says ianto impishly, better make the most of it! they try to get some alone time, but rhys won't leave. rats. instead, they review clem's case: 1965, scotland orphanage, yada yada. jack's remembering something. and after he sees 40-year-old pictures of his fellow assassinees, he totally knows them. he just never knew their names. who were they, asks ianto. but jack just grabs his coat and runs out. typical.

all the children in the world (and clem) are pointing at thames house, as a ball of fire stabs down from the clouds, straight through the roof. ianto and rhys watch from atop the hub2.



frobisher dashes into the 456 room; dekker's already there. they watch the fire flow into the glass enclosure, boiling up inside. and now something, dimly visible, is in there.

"we are here," say the kids, and go back to playing. clem tells gwen they're back. she takes him to torchwood.

at thames house, frobisher makes bug-eyed but resolute first contact. the 456 speaks in an almost hypnotic low baritone ... and also makes weird, animal-like howls and roars. it thrashes wildly at regular intervals, causing a giant, vaguely vulture-like head to hit the glass and yellowish brown goop to be flung against the windows. super-gross.

scared though he is, frobisher has to get this 1965 stuff sorted out for boss and country. it's his duty, you know. he asks the alien to keep the previous encounter with britain off the record ... and the 456 says ok. phew! then frobisher and dekker bail, looking at each other like, that was freeeeeaky!

but frobisher scarcely has time to re-rack his nerves before the PM calls to say, guess what? you get to stay our point man on this.



that's how the PM placates UNIT colonel oduya (charles abomeli) and american general pierce (colin mcfarlane), who are very unhappy about an alien ambassador being on british soil ... and suspicious that the landing was clearly planned, without their input. the PM says well, the 456 came to us, what could we do? and he craftily suggests letting the civil service handle dealings with the 456. this sitch calls for a middleman. and who better than frobisher, since he's already spoken to the 456? plus, mwahaha, he's expendable.

pierce demands the PM guarantee he won't enter the negotiation room. yeah, not a problem. ok, deal.

meanwhile, jack steals mrs. frobisher's mobile, then calls froby and threatens to expose everything if he doesn't let jack talk to the 456. but frobisher has alice and steven, nyah! so jack needs to keep it zipped. jack threatens frobisher's family, but frobisher knows it's a bluff. and he's gotta go, because he has a date with a goop-spewing alien.

at thames house for the first official negotiation, everyone's in place -- including lois, who bluffs her way in by implying there's something "private" between her and frobisher. bridget seems to have heard this sort of thing before. "don't go thinking you're the first," she sniffs. lois is wearing the contacts. torchwood's in!

gwen, ianto, rhys, and clem watch via laptop as frobisher requests that the 456 stop using their children for communication (it agrees). then he takes a question from the audience (aka general pierce): why did it come to britain? the 456, keeping its part of the bargain, basically says oh, no reason. gwen and ianto realize the government got the 456 to lie ... but now the thing says they want a gift -- your children. ten percent will do nicely, thanks. clem freaks and says they want to take them, like they did before, like "the man" did. the man's coming back too -- in fact, he's here! and according to clem's flashback, he's ... jack. say what?



jack stands there, accused and guilty. we flash back to 1965, and now jack's there too, in his coat, telling the children to walk into the light.

loyal gwen says no, jack fights aliens. right, jack? no, says jack, "i gave them the kids." ianto looks stricken. in 1965, jack gave them 12 children. what for? "as a gift."

baby's on fire

LOOKEE HERE, IT'S A REVIEW OF TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH, DAY TWO, AIRING TOMORROW NIGHT (TUESDAY) ON BBC AMERICA. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS -- SPOILERS AHEAD!!

yesterday's review/recap of day one was rather out-of-hand, lengthwise. this one's shorter, hurray!

ok, so. torchwood's down but not out ... not while the heart is still beating. better yet, said heart, aka gwen cooper, is blasting away two-fisted. look out, haters!

when gwen comes to after the explosion, choking on the smoke and temporarily deafened, the hub's just a fiery crater. two EMTs arrive -- but they're really assassins! the people who blew up her workplace and hurt, maybe killed, her friends? gwen so kicks their asses, taking their guns and the ambulance, then questioning one lackey, who screams (b/c she shoots him in the leg) that he works for the government and was only following orders.

pc andy (tom price, yay!) overhears johnson tell her minions that gwen and ianto are terrorists. he protests, but later directs her crew to gwen's place, still insisting she's not dangerous. gwen, having rushed home to collect rhys and get the hell out of there, pops up and blasts the black ops' SUV ... but only the tires. some terrorist, smirks pc andy.



dekker tells frobisher that the 456's message is instructions for building something. which they're doing, on the top floor of thames house, aka the HQ of british secret service MI5. frobisher says how come the 456 can communicate with such detail but still uses the children? dekker says it's to scare the humans, duh.

frobisher chats with the PM, asking whether any other country has been contacted besides britain. seems not. still worried about repercussions if the world learns their secret, froby wonders how long they can keep the previous visit quiet. then he actually thanks the PM for trusting him with all this responsibility. what a tool. the PM loftily informs frobisher that all he's done is put him on the front line -- the first to fall. indeed.

alice isn't really in this episode, except for repeated scenes trying to call jack. but he can't come to the phone right now, b/c he's having the worst. day. EVAR.

johnson's minions find an arm, shoulder, and part of a head at the hub site. they whisk it all off in a body bag, watched from afar by a grim-faced, still bloody and dusty ianto.



jack's body parts go to a government facility, where the bag's put in a cell with camera surveillance. pretty soon it starts to fill out, so johnson has the bloody skeleton chained to the cell wall. apparently they found the back of his head; otherwise, wouldn't we see part of jack's face instead of just a gory skull?

most of this ep is about running and rescue (and regeneration ... not just of jack but of TW itself), but we get some of the nicest character moments here too, amid all the chaos. especially lovely is how rhys learns of gwen's pregnancy, a surprisingly light scene that wonderfully demonstrates how tuned-in these two lovers are. (nice work, writer john fay.) they're bumping along in the back of a lorry loaded with potatoes -- their stealth transport to london.



gwen says she feels sick, even though she never gets travel sick, and then flumfers a bit, asking rhys, you know how some announcements go better in your head? and he's like, whattaya mean, announcements? and she just kinda smiles and looks away for a sec, and he totally gets it without her even saying. in spite of the dire situation and uncertain future, they're sooo delighted. sweet.

it's back to business when they meet up with lois, who's proving to be as tenacious and one-step-ahead savvy as any torchwood operative. she overhears when johnson calls froby to report jack's revival, then bugs him about the torchwood thing, risking bridget's wrath. lois intercepts gwen's call to frobisher's office and meets the fugitives at a cafe. while handing them cash for a meal, the floor plan to jack's prison, and the salt, brown sauce, and sugar, she fills them in on the blank-page assassinations. she doesn't even lose her cool when gwen huffs where's frobisher (torchwood's usual government liaison)? she just says he's the one who ok'd the bombing.



all the while, lois works out her own moral confusion -- if TW are the bad guys, why doesn't their file say so? and if TW are the good guys, why's the government trying to kill them, and who is lois working for, exactly?

rhiannon's husband, johnny (rhodri lewis), steps up too. soldiers ransack their house in the middle of the night, searching for ianto, who later sneaks a message to his sis inside the morning paper. it says meet him at the place where their dad broke ianto's leg, and bring a laptop. rhiannon's upset that he's put them in the middle of all this, but johnny insists they're the only family ianto's got. so he's not a total homophobic oaf, after all. he may change his mind about helping when he finds out ianto took his car, though.

in london, we see the scary traffic circle not once but TWICE. eyiieeee!

fleshed-out now, all white and nekkid, jack yanks on his chains and yells a challenge. johnson appears through a portal high above him, snarks, then pours gallons and gallons of concrete into the cell. now, that's containment!

lois, gwen, and rhys hatch a crazy scheme to rescue jack: gwen and rhys will pose as undertakers picking up rupesh's body. the ruse holds, even after the escorting soldier flirts hard with gwen, and rhys loses it. the grunt narrows his eyes and accuses them: "you're a COUPLE, aren't you?" ahaha.

but of course they can't rescue jack b/c he's drowned in concrete. plus, johnson and crew tip to the plan and bring on the firepower. (gwen's only got two hands, after all.) they're nicked -- but then there's a huge CRASH! it's ianto. and he's driving a forklift truck ... which he uses to extract jack's entire cell. gwen and rhys hop on, and they're away. it's totally ridiculous -- and totally awesome!



ianto drops the block of jack into (what else?) a quarry, and it breaks apart. jack awakens as the trio drive to the bottom to retrieve him. he stands in the rubble, still naked, with an indecipherable look on his face. then he says, "told you i'd be back!" irrepressible. gwen, averting her eyes, hands him a jacket and says get in, we've got work to do.

back at thames house, frobisher, dekker, and bridget -- an odd mirror image of ianto, gwen, and rhys -- check out the finished construction job. it's a big room, dominated by a glass chamber being filled with a prescribed combination of gases -- poison to humans. dekker says perhaps the room is an ambassadorial suite. or a throne room. or maybe a slaughterhouse.

they muse how the 456 will arrive inside this sealed glass chamber. no clue, but whoever they are, they're coming for britain. bridget wants to know why. dekker says indeed: why, mr. frobisher? the bureaucrat just walks away, leaving dekker to approach the now fog-filled chamber. he breathes on the outside of the glass and adds some fog of his own.

tick tick boom

the 21st century is when everything changes, and torchwood is ready.



and torchwood fans are ready too -- ready for series 3 of this hit doctor who spin-off to begin, after well more than a year's gone by since the heartbreaking end of series 2. the new season consists of only five episodes, already shown july 6-10 in the UK and debuting tomorrow night on BBC america. torchwood: children of earth will usher in the new BBCA HD channel and be aired from 9 to 10:15 pm ET/PT -- thus, without the usual slash-and-burn edits required to make most british series fit US tv length standards.

i'll post daily review/recaps of each episode, so here's the first one. but first, the obligatory spoiler warning. YES, THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 1 OF TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH. DON'T READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW. 'K? THX.

this installment plunges in with a creepy flashback, followed by a string of spooky incidents and surprising reveals that jet-propel us to the mind-blowing cliffhanger. creator/writer/exec producer russell t. davies sketches in backstory along the way, which is great for anyone new to torchwood. but longtime fans might be disappointed that we only get a passing nod to dearly departed team members tosh and owen, who died horribly last season. they sacrificed themselves in the line of duty -- something that happens a lot with the titular secret alien-fighting organization. which didn't make the pair's departure any easier for me to take, but clearly, surviving leader captain jack harkness (john barrowman) and his team, gwen cooper (eve myles) and ianto jones (gareth david-lloyd) -- all pictured above -- have moved on.

a brief prologue in 1965 scotland shows adorable children getting off a bus in the middle of the night ... and getting swallowed up by a blinding light. then it's just another morning in present-day cardiff, where the underground torchwood base is hidden by the bay. gwen's at an ATM, wearing a cool leather jacket with yet another awesome bag slung over her shoulder. a mom bustles about her kitchen, reassuring her kids that that bully won't bother them again. a dad with a briefcase dashes past his daughters at breakfast, promising to text his wife later. another mom warns her son not to let the cats in. and gwen's hubby, rhys williams (kai owen), drives his delivery truck through a neighborhood.

all around these adults, children are all just stopped dead in their tracks. it's a reliably creepy sci-fi trope that builds up unease as it recurs and expands throughout the episode ... turns out it's happening everywhere in the world. at first the frustrated adults think it's some kind of a put-on. but ALL those kids in the crosswalk, frozen in place? not. normal.



not normal is par for the course on torchwood, usually bullet-pointed as the darker, sexier, more morally complex offspring of british sci-fi institution doctor who (which was revived in 2005 by UK tv guru davies). yet, while entertaining and at times thought-provoking, the show has been pretty uneven, not always as challenging or emotionally affecting as who has been. TW is an echo, with captain jack himself serving as RTD's own version of the doctor, a time lord with multiple lifespans and seemingly endless knowledge of the universe, who has a knack for showing up to avert a crisis or at least lessen the damage.

thanks to a cosmic accident of sorts, jack, originally an ex-time agent and con man from the 51st century (uhm ... probably), can't die. he's lived for ages and really isn't quite human anymore, so he's kind of like a time lord, except he has sex. the doctor inspired jack to do better, and eventually he decided to remake torchwood, previously a lethally reactionary government organization, in the doctor's honor. jack's crew has faced some bad, ugly, menacing stuff, but usually they're only defending some people or cardiff or the UK ... not the entire world (with exceptions). children of earth ups the ante with a sweeping tale that pits torchwood against not only a relentless global alien menace but also the horrors of bureaucracy and plausible deniability (shudder).

director euros lyn balances the epic and the intimate in RTD's rumination on secrets, lies, and conspiracies. gorgeous panoramas of such settings as cardiff and london and pell-mell action sequences complement the tight two-shots, close-ups on small gestures, and subtle, slowly revealed connections among the characters. there are so many parallels here b/w individual and collective lying, and the lengths to which the characters will go to maintain their lies. just like we all tell lies to ourselves and others, whether big or small, whether just to coworkers and loved ones or the whole world. here the fabrications, designed to conceal everything from innocuous facts to horrifying truths, may be an integral part of who certain characters are ... which is never the whole picture, of course. maybe we don't see some of these supporting players at their best, but the lies the main characters tell begin to alter some fundamental perceptions about themselves. even jack, who we know is a bloody born liar.

but this ain't a philosophy lecture; it's torchwood, with all the rapid-fire sniping, snarky quips, unabashed boy love, and full-tilt running you'd expect. still, episode 1 is a romp compared to the the devastation awaiting us down the line -- much of which revolves around how sometimes what we lie about can be incredibly destructive, in ways we never intended and could not have foreseen.

what kind of stuff could jack be hiding from his peeps? where do i start? OK, he has a daughter. (only one?)



that's her, above. her name's alice (lucy cohu, totally awesome), and we saw her before, telling her young son, steven, not to let the cats in. jack lies that he wants to take the kid out, but alice says no way. she knows what he's up to -- she's his daughter, after all, even though she keeps away from him b/c he doesn't age and she does, and that's freaky. steven doesn't even know that "uncle jack" is really grandpa.

turns out ianto has family too -- his sister, rhiannon (the charming katy wix), who we also saw before, talking to her kids about the bully. and no, ianto cannot take them out today. besides, they need to talk. by which she means, is he gay or what? a friend spotted him and jack having dinner. ianto first, you guessed it, lies, saying that's his boss. but rhiannon guilt-trips him about not being around since their dad died, so he confesses. moony-eyed ianto says it's not men, it's just him. only him. and he's definitely not lying now. sigh. then his beefy bro-in-law comes in, looking like a giant hobbit, and brays, "i hear you're taking it up the ass!" great. BTW, says bro-in-law, your car's been nicked. triple-deadlocked or not, the torchwood SUV is gone baby gone.



earlier, at a hospital, jack and ianto banter about whether they're a "couple" while conning dr. rupesh patanjali (rik makarem) into letting them see a dead man ... from whom they extract an alien entity. rupesh catches them -- he's heard about torchwood (like half of cardiff, despite its alleged secret status) and seems interested in joining. but i say let rhys join instead, since he's the one who figures the weird kid thing is timed to a british schedule -- right before school, and then at break, for example.



yes, well. the government is way ahead of rhys. earlier, in london, briefcase dad -- aka home office bureaucrat john frobisher (peter capaldi, above) -- fakes a pleasant chat with a colonel from global alien-defense task force UNIT when a young woman arrives with the tea. the colonel is actually filling frobisher in on the weird kid thing, but mustn't discusss such formidable things around the new assistant.



her name's lois habiba (cush jumbo), and she answers to someone far more formidable than UNIT: frobisher's right-hand woman, bridget spears (susan brown):



rupesh is hanging around outside the hub, so gwen goes to chat with him while jack and ianto argue more about the couple thing. both agree they hate that word ... and both are totally, yes, lying. gwen gets in some exposition for those who've never seen TW before. rupesh earnestly blathers about how some people can't deal with knowing aliens exist now ... like the christian lady, his first case, who killed herself b/c this revelation made her feel insignificant. "it's like science has won," he quotes her as saying. haha, RTD, you naughty atheist, you!

but this is no time for reflection, b/c the kids are going off again. they stop. and then they start screaming!



that noise ceases, and then they chant, "we we we we we we we we are we are we are we are coming. we are coming. we are coming. we are coming. we are coming." OMG, says gwen, while ianto videos it all. cut to a mental hospital, where an older man is doing the same thing. the staff is mystified. they also video.

when it stops, the kids are normal again. but the man falls to his knees and cries, "they've found me!"

frobisher's office is inundated with calls ... including one from jack. but lois doesn't know him or torchwood ("how do you spell it?" hee!). however, resourceful and curious lois (as plucky and nosy as another lois, superman's main squeeze ms. lane) does some research on the down-low. meanwhile, mr. dekker (ian gelder) comes to tell frobisher that, as dekker warned, the 456 are back -- referring, it seems, to whatever's going on with the children. frobisher looks scared.

cut to frobisher's car going around a big-ass traffic circle. now, THAT'S scary!

frobisher is going to tell the prime minister (nicholas farrell, all supercilious) the 456 are back. dekker scoffs that elected officials come and go, but the 456 were there before him and will be there long after ... as will they, the civil service. "the cockroaches of government," dekker declares. later, the PM, who knows about the 456, tells frobisher to erase the historical record ... but the PM doesn't know anything about it, capish? time to issue a blank page -- a nice little euphemism for deleting said historical event. and anyone associated with it.

which includes, we learn after lois snoops some more, three people to off ... plus captain jack! whoa. so maybe jack, despite his protests to the contrary, has seen this sort of thing before.

gwen visits the man in the asylum, timothy white (paul copley):



she learns he had a scottish accent when he first entered care, as a child. she talks to him about "we are coming." he looks scared but denies aliens exist. then he sniffs her and says she's smelling, i mean telling, the truth, so he talks. (psychic sense of smell? ahaha!) he was one of the kids on that bus in 1965. a light took his friends, but he ran. occasionally, tim stutters something over his shoulder, as though talking to someone who isn't there. he says there were people too, but he can't remember. and, he says, they're coming back.

before gwen leaves, tim tells her his original name: clement mcdonald. he adds, almost casually, that she's pregnant. congratulations! whoa.

jack goes to the hospital to sweet-talk a kid out of rupesh. but the doc is no eager-beaver potential new recruit after all. he's a lying bastard, in fact, who shoots jack and lets in some black-clad commando types with guns, along with their boss, the hardass johnson (liz may brice).



she orders her minions to bring in timothy white and shoots jack when he revives, then tells rupesh they think jack's immortality is connected to the torchwood hub (wrong!), which makes it a target (uh-oh!). then they rummage about in jack's abdomen. gross.

at the asylum, clem smells trouble. he splits mere moments before the fake cops come to take him away. at the hub, ianto has the deets on clem gwen wanted, but she's not listening -- she's staring at a high-tech scanner image confirming she's preggers.

jack pelts in: he woke up with rupesh dead beside him (shot by johnson). then he sees the scan. gwen's stunned, but happy. so is jack: "ianto, we're having a baby!" he rests his hand on the scanner, and an alarm goes off. there's a bomb inside him OMG! jack shoves his team toward the exit, over their horrified protests.

above ground, the "we are coming" starts again, and everyone freaks out. at the hub, jack drags ianto away from his post. "there'll be nothing left of you," ianto cries plaintively. "i can survive anything," jack blusters. really? the red emergency lights flash, the music swells, and OMG nooooo! jack kisses his boy, maybe for the last time, before ianto takes the water tower lift to outta there. "i'll come back," jack says. "i always do." it's not all that convincing. jack has died a lot of ways, but never by gut bomb. he watches the countdown's final seconds and closes his eyes. outside, gwen runs along the dock.

BOOOOOOOOOM!!!! she falls, as flames blaze around her.

and the children say, "we are coming ... back."

it was a very good year

let us now praise famous 78-year-olds in beloved sci-fi franchises:

* the new star trek movie has lots to enjoy, but my favorite part was getting to see leonard nimoy (born march 26, 1931) play spock one more time. he reflects on the role and trek in an l.a. times article that's actually pretty decent.

* the UK's daily mail has a big feature on (WARNING: IF YOU CLICK OR EVEN ROLL OVER THIS LINK YOU WILL BE SPOILED ABOUT A CHARACTER IN ONE OF THE UPCOMING DOCTOR WHO SPECIALS) the actress claire bloom (b. february 15, 1931), who will help usher out david tennant as the doctor. the article mostly focuses on her tumultuous romantic life -- her first time ever was with richard burton, wowee -- but it's pretty interesting stuff. (the above gorgeous vintage photo of her is nicked from the article.)

* william shatner (b. march 22, 1931), the original captain james t. kirk, didn't get to be in the new trek, but writers roberto orci and alex kurtzman did work out a way to include him. it didn't pan out, but at least they tried.

bonus! another awesome sci-fi icon born in 1931: james earl jones (the original voice of darth vader).

a very good year, indeed. "sing" it, bill (click title link above for a shatnerific take on the sinatra classic)!

sabotage

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

THE FOLLOWING IS MY REVIEW OF THE NEW MOVIE STAR TREK. AS IT DISCUSSES THE FILM AT LENGTH, THERE ARE SPOILERS. AND I MEAN BIG ONES. BEEEEEEG ONES!! SO PLEASE DO NOT READ ON IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED. THANKS!



well, hurray! star trek the reboot movie was nowhere near as disappointing as i thought it would be. (now, that's some damning with faint praise!)

but seriously, folks ... j.j. abrams's big-screen reimagining of the vaunted franchise (now in theaters) was a lot of fun for this lifelong trekkie (call me a trekker if you must, i don't mind; just don't call me lost in a transporter accident). which perhaps makes "sabotage" an odd title for this post, but i have my reasons. anyway, i saw it last friday at a screening with world-famous film critic andy klein, so i've had a lot of time to think about it. and will now dissect it at length. with SPOILERS!

the main thing to ponder about star trek -- which revisits the 23rd-century era of the original 1960s tv series (aka TOS), telling how the first crew of the starship enterprise came together -- is: is this star trek? well, yes. it has optimism, bravery, self-sacrifice, rationality, compassion, curiosity, and a finely tuned sense of when to follow the rules and when to break them. but that's not much of a feat, as these are the core values of gene roddenberry's creation. so, what abrams has made here is a super-expensive piece of fanfic (except he wasn't ever that big of a fan, according to interviews). not that there's anything wrong with that.

unlike the best trek (from across all permutations), the movie is only about an inch deep, not offering much beyond how everyone must strive to be their very best and work together, and that friends can help you be a better you. ok, sure, there's some stuff about alternate timelines and whatnot, but that's definitely territory to which much trek has gone before. (and anyone who's watching abrams's lost won't even be phasered ... er, fazed.)

eh, but so what? star trek jumps to life immediately with a screen-sweeping battle between the federation starship kelvin and a massive, spiny romulan ship that looks like it was grown, not built. the kelvin, under the command of future hero james t. kirk's soon-to-be-martyred dad, george, gets the worst of that:



the action mostly moves right along, as befits this revved-up take on trek aimed straight at the modern viewer, though it's not as emo as i expected and certainly no gossip girl in space (thank your deity of choice, or none). and yet it wisely leans on and draws from the franchise's history, specifically the parts where star trek most successfully intersected with the mainstream. ("it's not just for geeks anymore" indeed, entertainment weekly.) it has all the things the best and most popular of the previous 10 trek flicks have had -- awesome space sequences, crazy stunts, cool fights, alien sex, brooding villains, campy performances, beloved catch-phrases -- but with a younger, hotter cast.

it also, inevitably, has stuff that's highly likely to make some trekkies/ers go WTF or even WTFF?

hey, i said that a few times myself, but a nice timey-wimey twist sets it up so that this here star trek does not erase anything that came before. so just relax and enjoy, b/c it's only another string ... an alternate universe, in which the characters we know experience their lives differently than they did in the place where spock comes from.

that would be leonard nimoy's spock (aka "spock prime"), whose actions in the far-flung future set in motion a chain of events that allows the bad guy, tattooed romulan mofo nero (eric bana), to exact his revenge on zachary quinto's spock in the now (the now of the movie, that is).



which is all a bit wrath of khan, but that's ok. nimoy-spock explains it all after meeting new kirk (blandly pretty chris pine, who turned out to be quite entertaining) on an icy moon of vulcan (following a sequence that pays obvious homage to abrams's first franchise love, star wars). new kirk and quinto-spock aren't friends yet -- in fact, kirk is in this godforsaken beast-infested place b/c freshly minted captain spock booted the uppity earthling right off his bridge after they clashed. still, despite the freedom to do new stuff, the same-old, same-old happens: spock prime saves kirk's ass. haha!

speaking of kirk's ass, it gets kicked but good several times in this flick: by soon-to-be-fellow starfleet cadets, by snow beasties, by spock (w00t!), by mofo ... i mean, nero ... . even uhura (zoe saldana) gets in her licks.

which brings us to that EW cover shot of chris pine and zoe saldana lookin' all steamy.



guess what? it's a fakeout. kirk doesn't make ANY time with uhura, because SHE'S HOOKING UP WITH SPOCK!!!!



dude. i was totally not spoiled for that, and wowee! my head about exploded for a second. then i sort of liked it ... and sort of didn't. here's kirk, the unstoppable sweet-talking womanizing bastard of legend, getting cut out of the action by a frickin' vulcan. amusing as that is -- and as exciting as the concept of sexay spock is -- i'm disappointed that uhura gets to be more of a person here, but the tradeoff is she has to be romantically hooked up with someone. in the 1960s, uhura wasn't defined by being someone's squeeze. in this movie, her feelings for spock are a big part of who she is. (and of course it isn't the same for spock -- his thing for uhura is part of a bigger personal drama that has nothing to do with her. meanwhile, she runs around going "tell me what you need" and stroking his alien neck soothingly with her lithe, black-fingernailed hands ... an au courant update of the original's flawless french manicure.) so that aspect of it kind of sucks, and makes 1960s uhura MORE FEMINIST than 2009 uhura ... which is, i suppose, just another sad sign of the times.

OTOH, it makes total sense that spock would fall for a human. (and why not uhura? she's smart, tough, and cute.) like father, like son. zachary "sylar from heroes" quinto had some big shoes (ears?) to fill, but he handles both sides of spock pretty well, showing him to also be his father's son in his fierce intelligence and mastery of vulcan science/culture. but he gets to delve into spock's human aspect (an immutable part of him, after all) in ways nimoy certainly never got to do. and quinto's the only one who has to go up against his original incarnation -- an icon of the franchise, for many fans the most fascinating character of all. anyway, zach does have the look of spock, although he's a bit rounder at the edges than the angular nimoy, and not as elegant. his voice seemed a bit squeaky at times -- not the deep, soothing mr. spock voice i love -- but he held his own against nimoy, who was just a joy to behold.



let's face it -- a big reason i rolled with this movie was b/c it's a total spockfest. we even get to see our human/vulcan half-breed as a grade-schooler, who endures a bunch of insults from his pureblood peers ... then beats the shit out of one who's twice his size. go, spocklet!

spock's pop, sarek (ben cross, a fine substitute for the late mark lenard), lectures the lad kindly -- this sarek is somewhat less of an asshole to spock, and i liked his compassion for his son. spock's mom, amanda, is played by winona ryder -- i didn't even recognize her. she was understanding and self-sacrificing, like a good mommy should be (blech) ... and sacrifice was truly the nature of her character, since j.j. killed her off later in the story. which led to my head exploding again, b/c spock the motherless babe-in-the-identity-woods is just so frakkin' disney-esque: his mommy dies so he can finally embrace his humanity. PUKE!! i mean, fuck off. seriously. (yes, her death is the result of a way more cataclysmic event ... which is also very OMFGWTF? ... but his central self-revelation revolves around him processing the loss of his mother.)

meanwhile (or whatever), kirk gets to be a badass tween, stealing his stepdad's antique bitchen corvette (like, 1960s-era) and escaping in a billowing cloud of iowa farm-road dust while the stepdad (voiced by greg grunberg, currently starring in tv's heroes but a longtime actor-touchstone/pal of abrams) threatens him over the comm (this was the most blatant product placement i noticed ... uh, not grunberg, but the name on the phone). but jimmy the kid just punches on the tunes, and out blares the beastie boys' "sabotage." hahaHA! talk about classic rock!

then comes the first of many scenes of kirk dangling above a dizzyingly steep drop, yowling and hanging on for dear life before scrambling determinedly back on top. this is as close as the movie gets to a motif, and i'm not sure it really is one.

backstories dispatched, we're plunged into the main drama, starting with life at starfleet academy, where spock is already an established hotshot (and looks damn hot in his uniform).



kirk joins pretty much on a dare from captain christopher pike (the noble bruce greenwood) -- who studied and admired the short-but-heroic career of george kirk -- but if this movie was ever supposed to be about kirk's journey from brawling punk to dashing officer, it doesn't show much; he just follows the trail, growing up and stepping up as needed. 'cause, as noted, this is really spock's flick. his conflict is more interesting, his experiences are more tragic, his struggle to define himself is harder, and his angst is more ... angsty.

uh, yeah. anyway ...

the supporting perfs ranged from angling toward reinvention to totally reveling in caricature/imitation, which was a bit head-spinning. anton yelchin as chekov was almost painfully adorable and probably the most OTT (seriously, his chekov accent was even more exaggerated than walter koenig's), but simon "shaun of the dead" pegg's scotty and karl "eomer" urban's mccoy were wonderful close seconds. john "harold" cho's sulu was more subtle, but he did get to do some fierce close combat with romulans alongside kirk, after a heart-stopping plunge out of a shuttle, which they're gearing up for here:



yeah, the razzle-dazzle was fantastic, but star trek did not lodge itself firmly in the culture because of its awesome special effects. while i did feel a twinge of wanting something more thoughtful, i appreciated some of the smaller touches (which were thoughtful in their own meta way), like the bleepy-bloopy sounds recalling the ambience of TOS woven into the soundtrack. there's a red-shirt moment, kirk gets to use his awesome powers of persuasion, and the movie is just shamelessly campy at points. but, hey, that's trek.

it made me want to see what they'll do with the next one, and it also got me thinking about star trek in the same way that james cawley and jack marshall's fanvid undertaking new voyages (now known as phase II) did. the success of that labor of fankind love proved how much devotees want to keep the story alive, and how many stories there are left to tell. on a way bigger scale, the reboot has also proven how star trek's mythology endures through the generations. what is happening now has happened before and will happen again. oh, sorry. wrong franchise!